12 Things No-one Will Tell You About Stress
Ever since we are born, we keep hearing from one or the other person about stress. We might have not understood, but absorbing emotions was easy and we did so. Result we end up reacting pretty much like that…stressed, agitated, frustrated, in anger, often getting violent, panic or depressed. We seem to feel helpless about the suffering wishing it to end or end us. Why is it that we suffer? So many technological advances have happened, communication has actually got better, travelling, education all improved, better housing ad jobs, yet we too experience pain. Why despite all we suffer, is a commonly asked question by us to ourselves, our god or to our so called confidant.
I too have my shares of ups and downs, have been hit down quiet often hard way. I managed to rise because I choose to with the help of many helping hands I got. Many have risen more higher than me. Observing their lives, my lives and the lives of my patients I really feel we need to be aware of these 12 things about stress that not many, rather no one will tell us .
It has helped me immensely and continues to do so.
1. SO LONG AS YOU LIVE YOU WILL FACE EVENTS, THAT WILL SEEM STRESSFUL — will look like a jolt at times, happening when you aren’t much prepared or off your guard. Time for test in true sense. You have to make a choice — either to break down or bounce back. Again bounce back with hatred and anger for revenge or bounce back with self love, improved self worth and confidence.
2. THE EVENTS WILL HAPPEN FOR A REASON — you are not always responsible for the mess. So hold on, the reason will be revealed only when you are prepared to learn and listen. Don’t get guilty or over cautious. Just remember, every new day requires a newer you too.
3. THE EVENTS CAN GET BAD / DREADFUL / MESSIER AND UGLY — I know its bad, but howling, crying getting angry cant make you take the right decision. To respond mindfully to get the best outcome, first accept. Yes this has happened, now what can I best do…and you will get the answer from within itself. Not doing so make you react and the reversible damage will get irreversible and you will further go into series of reactions and guilt. Now that’s not something anyone of us would want.
4. YET ITS NO USE BLAMING — Be it the govt., your family, spouse, kids, job, subordinates, anyone even nature for that matter. Its no use blaming them. You will feel it right and justifiable, but blaming puts you in the victim mode. And victims have to live at the mercy of the others, do you want to…? I hope no. By not blaming you take the reign in your hand and pivot the chariot in the direction you desire simply. It can be done. Even self-blaming is going to make you guilty for that matter.
5. IT’S JUST A MISTAKE THAT PERHAPS YOU HAVE MADE — so if its just a mistake, correct it. Why brood and get feeling of worthlessness and feel guilty. The moment you do, all will point fingers at you, further demoralizing. Now there is a big difference between taking responsibility and owning it up and taking action instead of feeling guilty. If you don’t forgive yourself no one can, no one will. People around have made graver mistakes than you. So relax
6. YOU HAVE TO RESOLVE YOUR STRESS, YOU CANT BYPASS IT — being stressed is a feeling. The way we feel happy and make others feel happy. So the way you are stressed and feel agitated and angry others can take the vibes too, and spread that feeling of unhappiness and uneasiness around. To break the chain, so that it doesn’t pass on to other, resolve it by being mindful of your actions and understand the language your body and mind is speaking in times of stress. Mindfulness is the first step to begin how to get de-stressed.
7. YOU CANT HAVE A PHASE WHERE YOU EXPERIENCE JUST HIGHS — As the events the day and the night, as the seasons change and the graph of the ECG of a living man changes, so will the phases in your life, you too will experience the highs and lows. Developing skills to make you more resilient helps you stay more on track, unaffected and with the ability to be responsive instead of being reactive.
8. THERE MIGHT BE A SAME PROBLEM HAPPENING OFTEN TOO — indicating that you have failed to learn the lessons. So long as you don’t resolve, learn, events will repeat. Learning which and acting on it will only be stopping the repeating
9. DESPITE THE LESSONS LEARNT, NEWER PROBLEMS CONTINUE TO SURFACE — It’s like after giving 10th std exam, 12th std exam will be there, and so on at every level of education, formal or informal. As you grow, portion and syllabus will change, but exam will be there to certify. You cant climb the ladder unless you have learnt and developed skills. Every event will require a new skill, learn it however painstaking it is.
10. DONT EXPECT A PROBLEM FREE LIFE — problems / challenges happen for growth. a seed wouldn’t sprout out without the soil, heat from sun and rain and wind. we need it to grow. A living person’s ecg has ups and downs, sign of life, a dead has straight line, no problems no life. It’s the way life is structured and living is designed. No-one living has had a problem free life Some break down and attempt suicide, some sit down and design a new life with a bounce back.
11. WE ALL GO THROUGH PROBLEMS — all problems that we are facing have come to us to strengthen us. since now we don’t know how to solve, its vital we look out how it had been solved by people in past or present. It’s like learning from others mistakes, a quicker way to gain wisdom. So, search for people, read biographies and see how they solved it. Search for a mentor / coach / guru to guide you. It’s not just athletes who need a coach, but everyone who wants to be better needs a mentor / coach. Every problem has a solution — to stress over it is make it over power us to the extent of damaging our own real self. Be ready to change, be teach-able, be open to new ideas for solutions
12. THE REAL PURPOSE OF EVENTS WILL ONLY BE REVEALED AT THE END — not at the end of your life, but when you lean back and retrospect, connecting the dots. You will know — had you not been in that stress and risen up, you wouldn’t be here where you are. You will then realize that you went through that phase, to meet some awesome people, see some beautiful places, may be even meet your soulmate. You might have gone through those phases to see you could be a good writer, a poet, a dancer, or a teacher. Your purpose of becoming what you have become in this phase also will be revealed to you gradually.
Stress is all about how we perceive an event. Events are unavoidable. So we cant get paranoid and keep running away. Instead upgrade our knowledge about why, how and when and reason behind the event instead of wasting our time cursing our fate or people thereby making us bitter. Let’s get better. Life is beautiful. Lets see events a mere events and not monsters who are colored with emotions to stress us out.
What do you think..?